To Work or Not to Work, That is the Question

My whole life, I knew I wanted to have children, the more the better.  I’d hoped that I would be a stay at home mom and possibly live on a farm (kind of).  For those who know me, the farm thing is probably a bit out of reach and hard to imagine.  I must admit, that I agree.  I no longer see myself running after chickens at the crack of dawn and have come to terms with my black thumb.  As far as the stay at home mom part, I’m finding that I’m torn on this one. 

I grew up with a working mom and she did a phenomenal job.  My sister and I were involved in sports and had busy social lives.  We both got good grades and stayed out of trouble.  She was always there for us, too.  I never felt bummed that she was not a part of my life because she was such a big part of my life.  She wasn’t just my mom, she was my friend and still is.  I’m sure this is mostly because of who she is though, not the fact that she worked.  Living in an upper middle class community, the majority of the moms stayed at home.  The moms that worked were the ones that had to.  Growing up, I can’t remember ever thinking “I want to be a working mom.”  Times they are a changing.

I don’t know if it’s because women are having children later in life or just because of the fact that most families need two incomes to get by, but there are more working moms than ever.  Some of my friends would prefer to work than to stay at home.  Their jobs now define them and they take a lot of pride in what they do.  They’ve worked hard getting their careers where they are today and have spent a lot of money and time on their education.  Working also makes the time they spend with their children that much more special.  For those that have to work, they seem to live with the guilt of leaving their child(ren) but know that financially they don’t have the option to stay home.  There are even some families where mom can’t work because of the number of children in their family and the cost of childcare.  This brings up the question, which is best?   If your family has more earning power by the mom working, will this provide a more comfortable family environment?  Are children happier with their moms at home or with other children their own age at a childcare provider? 

I love being home with my son, but I know that one day here soon, I have to return to work.  When I think about this, I get sad that I will miss so much and then I feel relieved that I would get to be around adults again.  Sometimes that relief makes me feel guilty, selfish.  Being a mom is the hardest job in the whole universe, and I mean universe.  Someone on the Today Show this morning said they looked forward to going back to work on Monday because it was so much easier.  Although, I would rather do nothing than spend time with him, I can’t help but feel like I’m not contributing by staying home.  Then, I think about the questions listed above and wish there was a magic answer.  What I have determined is that the phrase “if momma ain’t happy, no one’s happy” is pretty much fact.  As long as a mom is doing right by her children then that is all right by me.  Each family is different and what works for mine might not work for yours.  I try to take at least a few minutes a day to remember how lucky I am to be able to spend time with my son.  When I go back to work, I will still be thankful for those times but also be thankful that I have a job and can help provide for my family, especially in this economy.